Change.

More often than not change is hard. It’s easier when your perspective is that you’re changing toward something rather than away from something. There’s happiness and excitement in changing toward something new that you want to experience. There’s pain, sadness, anxiety, and sometimes resentment in changing away from something comfortable and secure. Changing away from something comfortable is even harder when it’s not your choice.

I’m changing toward something new. It’s my choice. To have it I must let go of something comfortable and secure. That’s been hard. Although it’s fair to say my life may not look comfortable to others, I’ve always known what to expect from it. I was comfortable… until I wasn’t.

I remember the first time I watched a snake shed its skin. A little more than 15 years ago I became a caregiver to a boa constrictor my youngest son inherited from a friend. It wasn’t my choice to ever have a snake as a pet. Nevertheless there I was asking questions, learning to take care of it, and accepting the change. As her skin began to come loose my son explained that every time she grew, she would shed her skin. I watched her move with purpose around objects in the tank until the old skin had rolled off her body like a stocking from a woman’s leg.

As I watched her transformation, I realized she had a new sheen to her skin. There was a beauty about her afterward. Once free of her old skin she seemed to move quickly around the tank as if she were excited by the way her new skin felt. She seemed to rejoice in the change. It was a remarkable experience to watch it happen up close.

It’s taken greater than two years to manifest my change. Truth be told it’s been on my mind much longer than that. I’ve had such a hard time letting go of the comfortable predictability of my life. Then one day I saw myself. I took a long, long look. I could see that I was covered in tattered layers of old skin. I also happened to see that here and there bits of shiny, new skin were peeking out from beneath it. I became uncomfortable. I began to move with purpose and do the work of shedding my old skin.

Here I am today. I’ve grown. I feel shiny and new. I move with excitement. I’m eager to experience life in my new skin. I’m nervous and anxious about how to live life in this new skin, but I’m ready for the challenge. I’m also sad. I’m sad that my desire for something new will force a change on the people I love the most. People who thought I was perfect; even in that tattered old skin. People who have comfortably loved me, as is, their entire life.

I’m also confident the people I love will see me like I saw that boa constrictor. I’m confident that all the times I stood by beaming with love and pride watching them grow will be mirrored in their eyes as they watch me grow and rejoice in the sheen of my new skin. Even if somewhere in their heart they ache a little for the comfort of days gone by.